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 You're on the West Coast when ...
- you make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
- the high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
- the fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- you know how to eat an artichoke.
- you drive to your neighborhood block party.
You're in New York when ...
- you say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
- you have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
- you can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
- you think Central Park is "nature."
- you believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
- you've worn out a car horn.
- you think eye contact is an act of aggression.
you're in Alaska when ...
- you only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
- halloween costumes fit over parkas.
- you have more than one recipe for moose.
- sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
- the four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
You're in the South when ...
- you get a movie and bait in the same store.
- "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
- after a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
- "he needed killin' " is a valid defense.
You're in Colorado when ...
- you carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- you tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
- a pass does not involve a football or dating.
- the top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
You're in the Midwest when ...
- you've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
- your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
- you have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
- you end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."
- your first job was detasseling.
- when asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."
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